MONDAY, GOVERNOR HAPPY’S HAPPIEST DAY, TURKEY’S WORST.
ON MONDAY, AUGUST 5, TURKISH DEMOCRACY WILL DIE IN PUBLIC, STRIPPED NAKED BY THE FORCES OF FASCISM AND TREASON. ALL APPROPRIATE AND DISPROPORTIONATE VIOLENCE WILL BE RENDERED.
THE BIGGEST LEGAL FIASCO IN HISTORY, ONE CALLED ERGENEKON, WILL BE DECIDED BY JUDGES WHO HAVE SPENT YEARS SLEEPING AT THE BENCH. IN BIZARRE HARMONY, THE HAPLESS ACCUSED HAVE SPENT YEARS IN PRISON AWAITING THEIR RIGHT TO A SPEEDY TRIAL DUE TO DELAYS IN THE GATHERING, TAMPERING, POLLUTING AND CREATION OF EVIDENCE. COMPLICATING MATTERS FURTHER, SECRET WITNESSES HAD REMAINED SO SECRETIVE THAT THEY WERE DIFFICULT TO LOCATE AND COMPENSATE. THUS DIRECT CONFRONTATION AND EXAMINATION BY DEFENSE COUNSELS WAS NOT AVAILABLE.
BUT THIS MONDAY, THIS BLOODY MONDAY, WILL BE THE DAY THAT JUSTICE SPEAKS GIBBERISH AND ALLTHE CLOCKS IN TURKEY RUN BACKWARDS. ALL PEOPLE WHO BELIEVED IN THE RULE OF LAW WILL GATHER IN PUBLIC DISBELIEF AT THE ABSURD VERDICT RENDERED BY ABSURD JUDGES EDUCATED AT THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND SCHOOL OF LAW.
THE GOVERNOR OF ISTANBUL, A MAN NAMED HAPPY, HAS HAPPILY BUT UNDEMOCRATICALLY BANNED ALL GATHERINGS, DEMONSTRATIONS, CHANCE MEETINGS, AND SOCIAL DATES BETWEEN BEAUTIFUL WOMEN AND HANDSOME MEN WITHIN 15,000 KILOMETERS OF THE COURT, WHICH IS LOCATED AT THE PRISON. UNHAPPILY NAMED SILIVRI, THE PRISON IS IN FACT 380,000 KILOMETERS (ON AVERAGE) FROM THE EARTH ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON. SOMEWHAT PARADOXICALLY, GOVERNOR HAPPY CONFIDENTLY CLAIMS TO BE A LAWYER.
TO CHEER AND HASTEN THE CITIZENRY ON ITS COLLECTIVE WAY TO DISBELIEF AND DESPAIR, GOVERNOR HAPPY HAS ASSEMBLED DIVISIONS OF ROBOCOPS TO SQUEEZE PEPPER GAS AND BATTALIONS OF RUBBER-BULLET MARKSMEN TO LACERATE FOREHEADS AND DESTROY EYE SOCKETS. SINCE THE WEATHER WILL BE SEASONABLY HOT, THE EVER HELPFUL HAPPY WILL GATHER HIS COLORFUL FLEETS OF ACID WATER SPRAY TRUCKS TO REFRESH THE BY NOW BEATEN, BRUISED AND SEMICONSCIOUS CITIZENS OF WHAT WAS ONCE CALLED THE REPUBLIC OF TURKEY, A SECULAR NATION OPERATING UNDER THE RULE OF LAW.
MONDAY, BLOODY MONDAY, THE SADDEST OF ALL POSSIBLE DAYS.
Cem Ryan
Istanbul, the unhappiest of cities in the unhappiest of countries
4 August 2013
“It was a cold, bright day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen.”
1984, George Orwell