Good question. I have already discussed the negative side of the proposition in my article They Are Not Turkish. But everything needs a name, even in a country like Turkey. In Turkey, people that drink beer are called drunks (ayyaşlar). People that love their natural environment, particularly trees, are called looters, pillagers or plunderers (çapulcular). Brave sons and daughters that serve in the military are called boiled sheep heads (kelleler). At least that’s what I learned from listening to the Turkish prime minister. In fact, I have learned much of my Turkish from listening to the prime minister. For example, in the past if I wanted to gain someone’s attention I would say, Pardon,” just like the French and English do. But I learned from him that it was much more effective to just shout ULAN!!!
Yes, everything needs a name. After all, didn’t God command Adam to name every beast of the field and bird of the sky? Of course he did. So am I not a man? Of course I am. Having un-named AKP gives me a God-given responsibility to rename them, doesn’t it? Of course it does. It might even be a sin not to since we all must go about God’s work every day. I can’t just call them Non-Turks or Non-humans, can I? No, of course not. That would be disrespectful.
At first I thought about animals or birds or fish. But there is something about the way animals and birds and fish behave that wouldn’t suit AKP. And I didn’t want to be insulting. So I thought a little lower and smaller, microscopically. Bacteria, perhaps? But much bacteria does good things, like causing fermentation to make beer, wine, whisky, rakı and even ayran. Obviously more research was required. And so I plunged into my library of science textbooks. And Eureka! like Archimedes I found it. An entire chapter about bad bacteria. And I found an appropriate one.
It’s a streptococcus pyogene. It sounds a little like the pepper gas that is now part of the rich atmosphere of Istanbul. In fact, it’s a bacteria that causes a terrible disease called necrotizing fasciitis. It’s obviously a fascist kind of bacteria so that fits. Sadly, it results in more than 650,000 invasive infections per year with a mortality rate of 25%. Left untreated it kills completely. This horrid little thing is often called flesh-eating bacteria. Its progress is rapid and terrifying: reddening skin quickly turns to violet, swelling, blisters and pustules develop, the flesh under the skin dies, finally muscle and skin tissue is consumed. Surgery, usually amputation, is the only solution.
So there you have it. They, the AKP members, are definitely not Turkish. But they are, in my scientific 0pinion, definitely streptococcus pyogenes, all-consuming fascists like their fellow bacteria specie. Their former political species was the A.K.P. (Adalet ve Kalkınma Partisi) wherein, sadly, there was neither justice nor development. So the members, neither Turkish nor human nor animal nor vegetable nor mineral, are now consigned to a much more appropriate specie. It’s the least I could do. After all, everyone deserves an appropriate name, don’t they?
Cem Ryan, Ph.D.
Istanbul
11 June 2013, the darkest day in the history of the Republic of Turkey
